Who is more belligerent out of Shakespeare and Mark E Smith?

As you all no doubt know both William Shakespeare and Mark E Smith are possessed of a biting wit and a quaint turn of phrase, but what would happen if the two of them were involved in a virtual slanging match. This webpage attempts to find that out.
First up it's a Geniune Northern White Crap Article that Talks Back; the Hire-em Fire-em Totally Wired un; the Hunched and Lairy King of the City Hobgoblins; Check the Guy's Track Record - he is Not Appreciated; you dont have to Like him to Admire his Guts; weighing in at 60lbs of Gas and Flesh in Shoulder Pads it's, WHUP!: Mark. E. Smith.
"Kerb-crawler of the worst order." ... "Richard and Judy's bastard offspring." ... "Spoilt Victorian Child." ... "Suck on marrowbones and energy from the mainland!" ... "Just got back from the backward kids' party?" ... "Red-tie bastard." ... "Go back go back to your diseased control room." ... "Hey you horror-face!" ... "Kill this ugly duckling." ... "Mere pseud mag editor's father!" ... "Rotting scout-belt." ... "I'll rip your fat body to pieces." ... "So-called dangerous." ... "You're a god-damn chiseler." ... "Ten times my age, one-tenth my height." ... "Lick-spittle southerner." ... "See what flows from his mushy pen." ... "Large black slug." ... "You talk of Chile while driving through Haslingdon." ... "I thought you were rabbit prey, or a loose sex criminal." ... "Gay red, roundhead, army career, grim head." ... "A new face in hell!" ... "Tight faded male arse." ... "Stop mithering." ... "Caca-phony." ... "This boy is like a tape loop and he has soft mitts." ... "He likes ABC!" ... "Future autolytic enzyme son." ... "Pink press threat!" ... "Male slags, knock over your drink - pay for correct amount spilt." ... "Sing, harpy." ... "I see you over the hill." ... "600 pounds gas and flesh." ... "I always have to state to myself; It has nothing to do with me, He has nothing, He is not me." ... "It's MES in shoulder pads." ... "C.R.E.E.P." ... "The dwarf plays pool to prove his height." ... "Raccoons drown beneath his embarking mass." ... "Dead beat descendant!" ... "HEY THERE FUCKFACE!!" ... "They built the road over dumb peasants like you." ... "Dog shit baby bit ass-lick dog mirror." ... "Hey bug-bug-bug-bug-buggerlugs." ... "You cranky mare and short-arsed no-no." ... "There's a new fiend on the loose." ... "This scum are just a morass." ... "When I first saw you people said: 'He scrutinised a little monster.'" ... "Arms control poseur." ... "Hey, you're fucking up the paintwork." ... "Killer civil servant." ... "This ugly gawk is offending." ... "Spine-fuhrer of Hoboken." ... "Floating grey abundance." ... "Your home is a trash mount." ... "Bastard! Idiot! Feel the wrath of my bombast!" ... "Slippery shoes for your horrible feet." ... "You hog the bathroom and never put your hand in your pocket." ... "Half-wit philanthropist, cosy charity gig." ... "You're a walking tower of Adidas crap." ... "Hey student, you're gonna get it through the head." ... "Petty thief lout." ... "You maladjusted little monkey, you." ... "Hey pseud! Why did you defect to the other side?" ... "Dancing with your Dad and mates in the corner, you're such a bloody fool." ... "You've got celluloid in your genes, dad." ... "You think your haircut is distinguished when it's a blot on the English landscape." ... "Hey git! In the league of mental short-arse and you will never recompense for your war versus intelligence." ... "You hang around with camera crews in shell-suits. You lecture on sweets. You read Viz comic."

In the opposite corner it's the Bard of Avon, Storyteller, Sonnet Writer and playsmith, feared and loathed of many a Schoolchild, as at home with fairies and just as lairy as his worthy opponent: Mr. William. Shakespeare.

He must be reeling from Mark's tounge lashing, how wiil Will do?

  
"You speak an infinite deal of nothing." ... "You shall stifle in your own report, and smell of calumny." ... "Hence, horrible villain, or I'll spurn thine eyes like balls before me; I'll unhair thy head, Thou shalt be whipp'd with wire, and stew'd'in brine, smarting in lingering pickle." ... "Thou misbegotten ill-nurtured jolt-head!" ... "Thou craven fen-sucked baggage!" ... "Thine face is not worth sunburning." ... "Thou odiferous spur-galled blind-worm!" ... "You live in the rank sweat of an enseamed bed, Stew'd in corruption, honeying and making love ove the nasty sty!" ... "Thou loggerheaded brazen-faced clotpole!" ... "Thou spongy rump-fed pigeon-egg!" ... "Pall thee in the dunnest smoke of Hell." ... "You are as a candle, the better burnt out." ... "Drone, snail, slug, sot, ass, drunkard." ... "Churl, malt-horse, capon, idiot, patch." ... "Minion, baggage, goer-backward, cuckold, drudge." ... "Empiric, taffeta punk." ... "Scolding queen, scurvy lord, witty fool, clog, timorous thief, rude boy, caitiff, hater of love, despiteful Juno" ... "I shall live to knock thy brains out." ... "Filthy officer" ... "Jackanape with scarves" ... "Ring-carrier, hilding." ... "Bubble." ... "Hourly promise-breaker." ... "Notable coward." ... "Infinite and endless liar." ... "Coxcomb, sprat, counterfeit module, double-meaning prophesier, past-saving slave, botcher's apprentice, shrieve's fool, dumb innocent, foolish idle boy, dangerous and lascivious boy, damnable both-sides rogue, confirmer of false reckonings, puisny tilter, noble goose, common executioner, nature's sale-work, abominable fellow, tyrant, motley-minded gentleman, ill-favored virgin" ... "Thou worms-meat in respect of a good piece of flesh indeed!" ... "Thou reeky fool-born popinjay!" ... "Idle creature, saucy fellow, common laugher, eternal devil, fleering tell-tale, serpent's egg, old feeble carrion, shrewd contriver." ... "Carcass fit for hounds." ... "Barren-spirited fellow, jigging fool, monstrous apparition, peevish schoolboy, disguised cheater, prating mountebank, cuckold-mad, horn-mad, prating peasant, unfeeling fool, foolish gnat, hind, curtal dog, drunken slave, backfriend, shoulder-clapper, Lapland sorcerer, devil, devil's dam, fiend, doting wizard." ... "Thou loathed issue of thy father's loins!" ... "Thou thing of no bowels thou!" ... "Thou mewling elf-skinned knave!" ... "What a drunken knave was the sea to cast thee in our way!" ... "Thy lips rot off!" ... "Thou fobbing tickle-brained flax-wench!" ... "Thou artless pottle-deep minnow!" ... "Thou gleeking fool-born bugbear!" ... "I find the ass in compound with the major part of your syllables." ... "Canst thou believe thy living is a life, so stinkingly depending? Go mend, go mend." ... "Thou mountain of mad flesh!"
Seems to me that Shakespeare is possessed of the advantage, even if King Lear would've been dramatically improved had Edgar called the Fool "a walking tower of Adidas crap." Never mind eh?

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forgiveness, please.